It Ain't Over Til the Fat Lady Sings

Apparently Sundays are good days for research! This is interesting. I haven’t slept all night ONCE since I had surgical menopause. NOT ONE TIME. Not once. No wonder I am irritable. I can’t figure out if I am fatigued because I cannot sleep or I cannot sleep because my hormones are low or both. And I’m taking Effexor for depression. My depression isn’t just feeling sad, it’s feeling completely disinterested. Running a business and still raising teens means I cannot feel completely disinterested. EVER.

Also from http://www.hormonerestoration.com/Menopause.html

Are there other Hormones that a Woman Needs?  
Other bioidentical hormones that should be a part of an optimal menopausal hormone restoration program are testosterone and DHEA. These usually decline with age and are essential for overall health and particularly for mood, muscle strength, and sexual desire and
response. In women with fatigue, fibromyalgia, or depression, there is often a need to optimize thyroid and/or cortisol levels as well. The female hormonal system produces lower cortisol levels and effects in many women, causing aches and pains, fatigue, insomnia, hypoglycemia, PMS, anxiety, irritable bowel syndrome, and other problems. Many women cannot even tolerate estradiol and progesterone replacement after menopause without cortisol supplementation because these hormones antagonize cortisol’s effects. Hormone restoration requires balance among all the significant hormones. 

I can hardly wait to get balanced!

Just read an interesting article that seems to suggest that oral growth hormone secretagogues (Oral GHS) are helpful in increasing a person’s growth hormone levels. I wrote to Dr Matez to see how this compares to injecting human growth hormone (HGH) which we have discussed doing.

Got the labs back measuring my chemistry (all normal except glucose which was 108) but I confess I don’t understand it. My IGF-1 test was 167. I have no idea what that means. Apparently it’s neither low nor high since it wasn’t highlighted as “abnormal” in the print-out. I’ve been searching Google to get into, but so far, no luck.

OK, a new day, going to stick to this plan today. Had my fruit smoothie for breakfast: an apple, an orange, slice of pineapple, 1/4 cup of frozen berries, 1/4 cup of frozen cranberries, 1 pack Emegen-C, 1 cup of unsweetened Tazo passion tea, 1 T of All-One powdered vitamins and 1 T of Berry Greens. The best ones are the ones made by Nokomis. They taste like Kool Aid instead of mown grass like the other greens, which means I will actually take them. 

Getting on the Bellicon rebounder now for 5 and then to the grocery store. Wishing myself luck. Too bad luck isn’t enough. Taking all the supplements today including the cellulose and appetite suppressants to help me stay on this track til I learn new habits.

Well, 20 kids slept over from the after-graduation party. Ran to store and bought 3 dozen bagels and cream cheese too. Didn’t eat one. Went to Dr appt fasting. BS was 154. That did not make him happy, no surprise. Doubled the Metformin (diabetes drug) to 1000 at night from 500. 

Ate well, did 10 minutes split in 2 sessions on the Bellicon rebounder–LOVE this thing. Fell off the wagon mid-afternoon when Brad made brats and of course i had one. Then later had 4 bits of grilled steak, half a small baked potato and some veggies. 

Gotta take the appetite suppressant and the cellulose tabs, otherwise I am screwed. Tomorrow is another day thank God.

Both Michael and Lydia graduate today! Betsy and Ari and Jon coming up from NYC, lots of running around! Usual bad breakfast: egg/cheese sandwich. if I don’t start the day right the whole day goes to s—, right? No surprise there. Gotta get through today and will try again tomorrow. 

Torrential rain throughout graduation which is outside in the stadium cause there’s too many kids and parents who attend. Stadium was jammed at 4:30 for a 5 PM graduation. 

Came home and had a burger, waaay too many chips and 2 small pieces of cake. It’s hard to change habits. Gotta get hold of this. Dr appt in the morning. I am sure my sugar will be way up there.

Another busy day in Irvine, CA. Tough to stick to a good food plan on the road. At least that is my excuse today. Started out fine. Had fruit and yogurt (plain) at the hotel with black coffee. Didn’t have lunch til 1:30 and we went to a Mexican place. Had taco salad. Oh, and sour cream and guacamole and about 13 homemade tortilla chips and THEN had 2 bites of Deidre’s churro, which is basically deep fried dough with sugar all over it. Looks like a donut. Doesn’t taste like a donut however. 

I was doing so well I figured I didn’t need the appetite suppressant. The problem with that and the cellulose capsule is that by the time you realize you should’ve taken them, it’s too late to take them. Like now, when it’s 10:30 at night and Deidre, my staffer and I are feeling like we’re starving. Apparently we actually DO need dinner, even though after a big lunch we were both, ‘Oh, we won’t eat dinner or we’ll have a piece of fruit..’  Yeah, NOT. 

OK, it gets worse. We didn’t eat dinner because we had a big lunch, right? Well, around 10 we were famished after a hard workout in the hot tub (yeah, hard workout, right). The pool was FREEZING and of course, I should’ve gone in THERE and after a few minutes of laps I would’ve been warm, but I chose NOT to do that. Why? I don’t know. So, after we got out of the hot tub, I said, hey, let’s take my “before” photos. Horrifying. You know, you can fool yourself forever in front of the mirror with the right clothing and sucking in your gut but these photos show all. Ewwwwww…good thing I am committed to making changes. Can’t wait to see new photos in 14 days. 

That assumes I will stick to things. Had 4 pieces of pizza after we did the photos. Knee-jerk reaction? probably.

OK, we’re in Irvine, CA visiting a new client’s practice. Doing well so far. Can’t wait to see what Dr. Matez has in mind for me once he gets my tests. 

California is gorgeous and unless I am missing something, there appear to be fewer really fat people here. Something to that or is this because Irvine is one of the wealthiest areas of the country so, therefore, fewer of us fatties? Dunno. 

Worked hard. Had fruit for breakfast, vegan salad for lunch, miso soup and a piece of grilled salmon for dinner. Yum. Didn’t get into the pool at the hotel, however. Too cold! 

Going to ask my staffer, Deidre, to take my photos tomorrow. That should be horrifying.

Well, visited my fitness junkie friend this morning to help her write her admissions essay for graduate school. She’s doing an online thing. I’d love to do online exercise. That would consist of watching someone else exercising, naturally.

She talked me into trying a Food of Life (the people who make Ezekiel bread) sprouted wheat English muffin. It wasn’t bad. By that time of the morning I would’ve eaten toothpaste I was so hungry. It tasted kind of like a cereal boxtop but thicker. With that fake butter she uses (Earth Balance) it was somewhat better. I could stand it once I put on some organic no-sugar fruit spread (AKA jam in the real world). OK, that and 3 cups of coffee and I was set, mostly. Took my appetite suppressant at 10. Went to lunch with my friend and her daughter and had a gagunda salad with salmon on it as well as a boiled egg. When I visit her in Boca we always go to Salad Creations. They make ONLY salad, but to order which is neat. I admit to cove ing my videographer’s salad with the little crunchy Asian thingies and the croutons. I kept trying to get him to look out the window so I could steal some from his bowl but he wouldn’t fall for it. He’s naturally thin, has a diet no better than mine, but a better gene pool fairy, apparently.

My friend is a vegan. If I could figure out how to eat something other than fruit and greens I might be a vegan too, but that whole deal looks extremely difficult to me. In a pinch I guess a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is vegan, but Dr. Murray would have a cow if I had that for lunch, harhar.

On the way back to NY in the plane I was certain I would starve to death. I had bought a bowl of cut fruit in the airport as well as a small yogurt. After I ate them I wondered why I hadn’t bought 4 of each since it stuck with me for about 8 minutes and 31 seconds. Once we were airborne the Jet Blue stewards (is that the PC name now?) came around with their little snackies. I got a packet of cashews (not great but the only nut available on the plane other than me) and then was sure I would faint from starvation while strapped into my seat, so I ate a bag of those Dorito munchies: Doritos, tiny pretzels, and my favorite part, the cheetos. Dag. I’m sure THAT little bag of junk was great for me, right? Yep, I can feel the fat and salt coursing through my blood stream. Took a cellulose tab so I wouldn’t notice I was starving to death on the plane. Then I got home and thankfully didn’t eat anything else, though I confess that right about now a grilled cheese sandwich would sure feel good.

Another busy video shoot day. Met a friend for lunch. Had salad. I think my skin is turning green from all these veggies.

My friend is going back to school to get her MS in nutrition. She’s a fitness junkie. Gets in her home gym (which is amazing) and does 5 miles on her treadmill. Then she has a cigarette. I am not kidding. Her anti-aging doc told her that if she quit smoking she could live to 120 but at the rate she is going, with all the exercise and nutrition EVEN WITH THE SMOKING she will probably last til 95. Go figure. At least she isn’t smoking while jogging…

Hopefully you aren’t confused by the dates on these blogs. I tend to write them in word and then move them over, but I’ve been busy with a video shoot and didn’t get to post until now.

OK, Day 1 was OK and surprisingly when I was weighed in on Day 2, I had lost 2.5 lbs. Now, I know that has to be some kind of water weight dealio, but it was fun to see it on the scale. The Large One is now “down” to 189. I have no idea how that happened except that I turned down pizza, hehe. I was a good girl and had salad for lunch and didn’t cheat.

This is definitely a one-day-at-a-time thing. I suspect on some days it will be one-minute-at-a-time.

OK, it’s official. I’m fat. They weighed me at the doctor’s. In fact, I’m even fatter than I thought. Funny how we can fool ourselves, isn’t it? I stand in front of a mirror and suck it in and convince myself that I don’t look “that bad”, but truth be told when I see photos of myself I can’t believe how dumpy and plumpy I look. Anyway, enough delaying of the truth: I’m 191.6 amazing pounds. At 5’2. Which means if I were 6’4″ I’d look pretty good.

Met with two of the docs at Sanctuary Medical Aesthetic Center today. First was Dr. Mitch Matez, who is in charge of their age management department. Heaven knows I need my age managed. My memory is for crap,  which I attribute to being busy running a business but it’s not ALL that. I’ve been noticing this gradually worsening over the past few years, and even more so over the past 6 months. Words I can’t remember, names on the tip of my tongue, that kinda thing. So, one of the things we discussed was the brain fog a woman gets from unbalanced hormones.  I’ll leave it to him to explain what that’s about, since I asked him to participate in my blog. His assistant, Jessica, took some blood and he will let me know in a week or so what the scoop is. I’m all about balancing my hormones now! Maybe that will help my brain fog (not to mention my big arse).

I also met with Dr. Murray Pozner, who has the energy of a 12-year old, and if he was ever fat I’d be surprised; however, he’s helped thousands of people lose weight, including from the Sanctuary Medical Aesthetic Center staff as well as a gazillion folks up in NY and NJ. He was dismayed to learn I have adult onset diabetes (couldn’t be from the WEIGHT could it??!) and he gave me a diet sheet plus some pills to kill my appetite as well as these little red cellulose tabs to keep my stomach from thinking that my throat is cut. One of the gals in the office has lost 60 lbs since spring, so obviously this works if I work it. I strongly suspect that the “if I work it” part will be difficult.

Dr. Murray says we’re supposed to exercise: strength training, aerobic exercise, etc. OK, I had already purchased a Bellicon rebounder, it came last Thursday, the day before I left on a 10-day series of visits with new clients. I only got to jump on it a couple of times, but it is heavenly. Expensive too, but I believe it’s worth it. I read somewhere that rebounding for 6 minutes is the same result on the body as jogging a mile but 80% less shock trauma to the joints. Since I’m not into jogging a mile (can’t do that and watch TV or talk on the phone) I figure the Bellicon might be great until I get enough energy to do something in addition to that.

Over and out from the chubby one.

YEP. Fat. AND I sing. AND I sing opera. Wagnerian opera. How funny is that?

Actually, compared with other Wagnerian sopranos, I am not terribly fat. Some of those girls are built like a bus. But just because I don’t look like a bus doesn’t mean that living the past 10 years as a fatty is OK to me. It hasn’t felt OK to me for all of those 10 years.  Like lots of women, I have only so many hours in the day. But let’s be serious. That’s an excuse I pull out often. I’m willing to bet that 50% of all women in America have issues with food. IE, I’m betting half of us have eating disorders. It’s not like I don’t know what to do to get rid of the fat. I do. It’s that I don’t DO IT. The fat serves me in some way. I have no doubt that I have an eating disorder because it seems like the food is often more symbolic than nutritious, ie, if you told me a carrot had 380 calories, I would crave them and vice versa, if you said a piece of pie had 5 calories, I’d stop eating it. What’s that tell you?

ANYWAY, here’s the deal as to why I’m doing this blog. I have been singing opera for 30 years. In the early years of those 30, I did an apprenticeship with an opera company and a couple national tours.  It was fun, but I wasn’t convinced I’d make a living doing it. So, I found 100 ways to avoid getting my voice out there and competing again: I created a couple businesses, the latest of which is doing marketing and public relations for plastic surgeons, cosmetic dermatologists, cosmetic dentists and medical spas; I had a daughter from my only marriage and then adopted 3 kids.  So, I gave lip service to singing but never put myself out there.  In the past 4 years,  my voice really started to be “bangin’” as my daughter says. I knew I needed to go to Germany and audition. If I keep waiting I will be too old. I’m pretty old already. The voice won’t last forever, though the big voices do last longer than the smaller ones. The fat makes me look and feel older. Plus, face it, my hormones are a mess as well since I had a hysterectomy 8 years ago. So, I look old and feel old and tired and fat. So what am I gonna do about it?